Torn
by BlueStarSoul
Summary: Makoto miraculously survives a car accident that caused a major damage to his brain, but at a very high price.
1. Chapter 1

So this is a new fanfiction that I'll be writing although I already writing another fanfic, 'Free'. But this story have been stuck in my head for sooooo long that I have a desperate urge to write this story. Hope you'll like it!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Free!

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Whispers and murmurs fill his ears as he slowly awakes from his sleep. His eyelids feel so heavy that he struggles to open his eyes.

_Where is this?_

"Makoto! You are awake!" he hears his worried mother says with relief and sniffles from her joyful tears. But how does she know that he is awake when he hasn't even opened his eyes yet? He tries to open his eyes to their full size, but all he sees is darkness. Why is it so dark in here? He lifts his dominant hand and covers one of his eyes, trying to feel movement of his eyelashes. Reality sinks in as he confirms that his eyes are blinking.

"Okaa-san…" Makoto calls for his mother in his dry, raspy voice that has not been used for ages, it seems.

"Do you need water? I'll get you some." Before his mouth can get another word out, his mother rushes out to get him water as she realizes that her son must be thirsty. She comes back and helps Makoto into a comfortable sitting position before passing a cup of water in front of him. Listening to his cue, he raises his hand to hold the cup, but instead, bumps the cup a little too hard and ends up spilling the whole cup of water onto his bed and his mother's laps.

Just when he is about to apologize to his mother, he hears two pairs of footsteps approaching him. One sounds like his father and the other is unfamiliar.

"I am glad that you are awake, Makoto-kun. I am your doctor, Kinjou Sanetoshi, you can call me Sanetoshi. How are you feeling right now?"

"…I'm fine, I guess. Sanetoshi…-sensei?" Makoto turns his head towards the sound source and tries to act normal so that he will not worry his parents any further. However his eyes betray him as he fails to look at the doctor who is standing beside him. His parents gasp in shock and realization and focus their eyes on Makoto's doctor.

The doctor who grasps this detail asks a question that he is sure that his patient will not be able to answer, "Makoto-kun, can you tell me how many fingers I have raised?" Sensing the anxiousness and panic in the high school boy's expressions, he continues to wait for him to voice his answer, urging him to face reality with courage. It seems that the student is more worried about telling the truth to his parents than anything else, all the more he needs to voice his condition.

"…I don't know…! I can't see anything," Makoto whispers as he covers his face with his hand, feeling confused and guilty towards his parents. His mother is tearing up and his father is soothing and comforting her, the best he can. A hand rests on his shoulder firmly, gripping onto it to break him out of his trance.

"There is nothing to worry about, Makoto-kun. This always happen after a major brain surgery, it will heal in a few days. So don't worry about it too much and get as much rest as you can, you're still recovering."

* * *

The swimming club members rush to their friend's room, thrilled when they hear the news about Makoto's awakening after a month in coma, even skipping their classes and training. But they can't deny the fact that they are all disappointed at Makoto's loss of his sight, and feel sympathetic towards their close friend. Nevertheless, Nagisa breaks the tense air and starts to fill Mako-chan in about everything that is happening, from the accident and coma that Mako-chan has been in, to Rin-chan's transfer to Iwatobi High School, to his relationship with Rei-chan as well as the relationship between Rin-chan and Haru-chan.

Makoto flinches from the words, "relationship", "Rin" and "Haru". He starts to get indulged in self-pity about the fact the misfortune befalls him one after another; first he gets into an accident, then he wakes up blind and now Haru is stolen away from him before he even gets the chance to confess. But realization finally hits him, telling him that he should feel lucky and thankful that he is still alive and as long as he is alive, he still has the chance to achieve what he wants. Swallowing all of his darker thoughts and emotions, he smiles brightly and says, "I'm happy for you, Nagisa, Rei, Rin, Haru!"

Before anyone knows it, the hospital room is now filled with their usual lively vibe and laughter as though Makoto never got into an accident in the first place. Days fly by with Makoto getting used to the loss of his vision with the support from his family and friends.

However, another misfortune is about to befall on Makoto once again.

* * *

A few days after finding out that he turned blind, Makoto wakes up to a pungent smell that fills his nostrils. And as Sanetoshi-sensei said, his vision comes back. But the sight that unfolds in front of his recovered eyes makes him scream in horror and disgust, and makes him wish that he remained blind.

The entire room is painted with raw flesh, organs, and fat like a madman's work of art. Not a single part was left untouched, which includes the linens that are covering Makoto's body. He jumps back in shock, throwing the 'blanket' off of him but regretting it as soon as he feels the squelching underneath him every time he moves and the sliminess that comes with it. Bile fills his mouth and he vomits on the floor beside his bed, tears forming as his throat burns.

_This is a nightmare! This _has_ to be a nightmare!_

Gathering himself, Makoto dashes out from his room in barefoot, hoping to get away from the grotesque room and out of this nightmare, desperately. His knees shake and buckle when he sees the never-ending corridor of flesh and tears of despair roll down his pale cheeks. He continues to look around in hope of finding any glimpse of escape, but to his distress, there is none. Panic fills his mind and his heart beats rapidly from anxiousness. He clutches his chest to relief the constriction in his lungs. Shivers ran down his spine when he smells an incredibly stench and hears squishing-squashing sounds from behind him, signaling something's arrival.

"AS#adskjf$5qf"

A growl of an unknown creature sounds right behind his back turning his blood ice cold. It sounds like it is talking but in a language that he doesn't understand and in a gurgling, slurring voice that he has never heard in his entire life. Terrified but curious, he turns around to meet the creature and his tears stop falling immediately.

He sees it.

Makoto sees something that will make anyone go insane. A pile of rotten flesh of a deformed…human (?) turned inside-out. It is impossible to tell the head, body and the limps apart as it looks like those parts are melted into one big, giant lump that is way wider and taller than him. He wants to scream so badly, but his voice left him when he laid his eyes onto the features of this monster, too horrified to say anything. He accidentally lands a glance at the red-shot eyes of the monster that stares down at him from above his head, foul-smelling slime threatening to drip onto his face from its steaming mouth that reveals decaying, crooked teeth and a large, dangling tongue.

"a $Sn*&K P$as&a#U!E," the monster growls again but with a different tone, Makoto guesses. What looks like to be its hand, reaches out to him, but he crawls backwards instinctively, fearful from touching any part of the rotting lump of meat. The monster tries again but Makoto slides away from its claws or tentacles and runs away from it. Suddenly, it turns aggressively as it growls louder as though frustrated from letting its prey get away. Makoto smiles slightly in triumph but his smile fades as quickly as it has formed. He chokes from the even more intensive reeking stench that fills the corridor as his path is blocked by a few more of that meat monster as well as a few behind him that are coming at him at incredulous speeds. He attempts to make a breakthrough but he is totally outnumbered.

'I'm going to get eaten…!' Makoto cries inwardly, despair shrouding his mind again as he gets tackled to the floor that matches with the monsters appearance. While being squashed in between the slimy mess of flesh and organs, his arms get tied behind his back by the hands of those monsters, their dripping fluids burning at his skin.

"Get away from me!" he yells continuously, not giving up to the monsters just yet as he struggles and thrashes at them. But none of them seem to understand him as they try even harder to subdue him by trying to hold his limbs still. Tears of frustration and self-loathe start to form in his eyes as the fact that he can't escape sinks in. Just when he let his guard down, he feels a numbing pain on the nape of his neck and his vision starts to fade before he goes to a peaceful slumber as his tear falls onto the tiled floor.

**To be continued…**

* * *

So yeah, this is the first chapter to this new fanfic that I'll be writing. Hope this is not too disturbing and you liked it! I'm not a big fan of horror; in fact, I'm too scared to watch any horror movies and I only watched horror anime/manga. So tell me what you think! :D

Actually I got inspiration from this old visual novel, Saya no Uta (2003) (an 18+ game, which I never played 'cause there're only 3 endings, and so I read in on YouTube instead) and I'm going to have Makocchi in that MC's shoes. But of course, the story will be different!

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the wait! I have been busy studying 'cause my exams start tomorrow! Orz T_T I added bits to the story whenever I didn't feel like studying, so here's the completed version of Chapter 2. Enjoy~

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Free!

* * *

**Chapter 2**

One morning, Sanetoshi walked towards the room of his young patient who happens to be a really sweet boy named Tachibana Makoto, for a check-up. He smiled to himself when he recalled how Makoto had been more worried about the others around him than himself who is still hospitalized. Although he is someone who is supposed to heal others, he could not help but feel soothed by the gentle smile of Makoto. When he was a few rooms away from the said patient's room, he saw Makoto dashed out of his own room looking alarmed and frightened. Worried, he crept carefully to Makoto's side, trying not to scare him.

"Makoto-kun?"

The boy turned around, tears stained on his face, eyes widened as though he had just seen a ghost. Sanetoshi was shocked to see the recently-turned-blind high school boy who stayed positive and mentally strong, now succumbed to some fear that was plaguing his mind, and Makoto seemed like…he could see. Not knowing what to say, Sanetoshi attempted to reach out to comfort the boy, but to his surprise, his young patient scurried away frantically and made a run like he was some kind of disease.

"Wait, Makoto-kun! You are in no condition to be out of your bed now!" Sanetoshi shouted, confused about Makoto's behaviour.

He immediately called the male nurses to get his runaway patient back in bed, and the nurses complied. Followed closely behind the nurses, he witnessed the struggle Makoto put up with all his strength, seemingly desperate to get out. Noting this for future reference, he ordered one of the nurses to use the sedative that he prepared. As he watched the young man being subdued, it made him felt sympathy and pity towards Makoto, but somehow the neurologist part of him felt curious and intrigued by this patient of his. Seems like he will need to observe this boy for longer…

"What is going on, Sanetoshi-sensei!?" cried Makoto's mum, finally able to voice her concerns after she saw the whole scene unfold. "What are they doing to him!?" she was unable to comprehend why the nurses were treating Makoto like a criminal. Once again, her husband comforted her and calmed her before he asked in a softer tone, "What happened to Makoto?"

"I suspect that he is mentally unstable now. It may be due to stress of having been stuck in the hospital for quite a while and have been subjected to numerous tests and therapies," explained Sanetoshi in a professional tone, "we will have to place him in the mental ward, for further observation and in precaution if he tries to escape like that again."

Makoto's mother fell to her knees and wept for her son as well as her family that would not be the same again. Makoto's father too, his face wrenched with solemnness and sympathy while he placed his arm around his wife's shoulders and held her tight.

* * *

_"Haru, I have something to tell you after the national tournament. Will you hear me out?"_

_It was the day when the Iwatobi's swimming club's relay team achieved an honorable second place in the national tournament. Everyone was joyous and celebrative on their bus ride back to their school. Nagisa was cheering for more funding for their club. Rei was looking smug and enthusiastic, knowing that he is no longer a liability in the team. Haru as usual, sat by himself as he looked out the window with a stoic face, though everyone knows that their quiet friend is happy. Makoto just sat beside his best friend while smiling to himself as he gazes at his happy friends. However, the sky soon dampens their mood as rain started to pour…and everything started to go wrong._

_The rain made the road very wet and slippery, however the driver was not careful enough during the huge turn that he lost control over the bus which led to the vehicle tilting on its side, threatening to topple over. While the others had something to grasp onto the other side of the bus, Haru who sat beside the window that was going to crash, had nothing to hold. Luckily, Makoto pulled Haru away quickly enough before that happened, but they were unable to balance and ended up bumping into that same window, which caused the bus to tilt even further. Even when he knew he might be too late, Makoto never gave up saving his best friend and so he became the cushion for Haru's fall._

_With Haru in his arms, Makoto landed on the pavement that was scattered with sharp shards, air knocked out of him during the impact. Glass crushed to even smaller pieces and pierced through the skin of Makoto's wide back as well as the back of his skull which banged against the ground, hard. Due to inertia, the vehicle continued to skid along the pavement along with its passengers, and the shards also continued to rip through Makoto's uniform and skin, and imbedded themselves into his flesh._

_Once the bus had stopped, Makoto could feel his hair getting soaked in the mixture of rain water and blood, as warmth seeped away from him quickly. The last things that he remembered before he fell unconscious were a safe Haru on top of him with an expression he couldn't quite see and the regret of not being able to get his true feelings across to that person._

_Haru…_

Makoto's head starts to ache as he regains his conscious groggily from his dream of the accident. With his vision fogged and ears muffled, he is still able to recognize a similar scene from his recent nightmare that is in front of him. As he struggles in his lethargic and aching body, to get out of bed, he realizes that he is bound with soft-looking but strong straps of slimy, dark brownish large intestines. Nausea hit him and he closes his eyes to calm himself down for brief seconds which turns into hours of sleep.

* * *

Makoto's friends and family are disappointed to know that they cannot visit Makoto for a while until the doctors are sure that he is mentally stable to not cause any commotion. The swimming club members still can't believe their friend's recent change in behaviour, from what they have heard from his parents.

Haruka can't help but to think of this as his fault. He is still guilty for being the cause for all the stitches on Makoto's body as he had basically put all his weight on Makoto's injured body that was laid on shattered glass. He feels even guiltier when he remembers the small flinch of Makoto at the mention of his relationship with Rin. A hurt look flashed in Makoto's eyes for a second, which shocked and sent him to look away in shame. But what was even worse, was the bright smile that was pasted on that same, gentle Makoto, who wishes for his friends' happiness over his own. Haruka really do think that this childhood friend of his is too kind for his own good. Sometimes he wants to say, 'you don't always have to be considerate to others, you know', but Haruka knows that his best friend is too stubborn to change his ways now.

Rin senses the discomfort of his boyfriend, and so he places his hand on Haru's shoulder while giving his best grin he can manage. When Haru turns to his direction, he blushes lightly while looking away with an annoyed face and scratches the back of his head awkwardly, obviously still not used to dating someone, especially that someone is a childhood friend and a rival. His face falls when he thinks about his childhood friend who also had the same experience of losing someone dear in the typhoon on that fateful day. That goody-two-shoes who always wore a goofy smile, is mentally unstable? Rin just can't imagine that.

Not only Haruka and Rin, everyone wants to know what is happening to Makoto and what is going on in his mind…

* * *

Once again, Makoto wakes up to a room where it seems like the interior of a microwave in which several cows exploded in it. He still can't get use to the sight as he swallows the bile that has burnt his esophagus. His body is still bounded by something that looks like intestines to him now and he struggles in vain. He freezes immediately when he hears familiar squishing sounds, and then cautiously he turns towards the source.

They meet again. The first flesh monster that he has seen since…how long? How long has he been out for, Makoto doesn't know. Everything is so confusing to him now. Why is he stuck in this bad joke of a haunted house and bounded to what seems like a bed? Where is this even? He is pretty sure that he was in a hospital. Wait, is this the hospital…? Fear shrouds his mind when he thinks of this predicament as the side effects of the brain damage that has done him.

"How #%feel$ s $af*#QyA $*"

_…What? Is that monster trying to speak in Japanese? I'm pretty sure I heard 'How' and 'feel'. Is it asking 'how am I feeling'?_ Makoto tries to answer but he just can't get his voice to work. Instead, the monster just comes closer beside him and stretches its arm over Makoto's face, much like the first time they have met. With no room for escape, Makoto can only watch in fear and disgust as he feels slimy, stinking strokes on his cheek. Too focused on the hand of the monster, he doesn't realize the streaming tears of fear and frustration until the hand touches his eyes.

"WhatQ& *$wrong"

Instinctively he turns his head away in attempt to get away from the touch of rotten flesh, but its hands never left his face as the monster cups his chin to guide his head to face it. Makoto finally sees the part of the monster he never wanted to see again – the distorted face of the monster. He quickly averts his eyes while he trembles in fear at the sight of it and tries to struggle against the binds to escape.

"Don't touch me! Stay away from me! You monster!" Makoto cries and the rotting but living, mutilated corpse does back away while doing something with his hands. He tilts his head in confusion as to what the giant lump of meat is doing.

After finishing what it was doing, he holds up something and says something that sounds like 'can you tell me what I am holding?' But that 'something' is just another piece of flesh that looks like a part of the monster, at least to Makoto. So he just shakes his head, eyes not leaving the flesh for a second in fear of the monster hurting him. It seems to be doing something with that flesh again, and Makoto then notices another lump of flesh but with a kidney stuck on it that has a rectangular form. Linking them together, his mouth opens in shock and disbelief. Those things are most likely a pen and a clipboard, given the context, and so he guesses that the meat creature is a doctor diagnosing him.

"HowQW(# 'Gx fingersO!x$sj*E $%*,Mako$Sg%-kun"

"3?" Makoto is slowly getting used to the 'accent' as he understands more and more, although he is just linking the words and trying to make sense out of it. But somehow, this question feels oddly familiar…

"Are you by any chance, Sanetoshi-sensei…?" He asks hesitantly in fear for the truth of his condition. The monster does not move immediately. It seems that it is deep in thought but soon figures something out before nodding its head.

"What's going on!? What's happening to me!?" Makoto grabs his head with both of his hands, eyes clench shut and he questions in panic and desperation. Disregarding this, Sanetoshi asks him several more questions before telling him that he might have agnosia – the inability to recognize objects, people or sounds which usually only affects one modality and unfortunately, it is an incurable condition. At the word "incurable", Makoto can hear his world – in which he spent happily with his family and friends – falling apart. Tears of despair flow from his eyes continuously as he refuses to accept this new reality. Does that mean he will have to live like this for the rest of his life? In this slaughter house that is the world? Where every living creature looks like piles of decaying flesh and organs? No…No! NO! NOOOOO!

"…I want to go home…" he whines in a whisper, as he watches his transparent tears fall on a liver-looking thing that absorbs the saline solution.

"You can't."

"Why!?"

"In your mental state right now, you are unsuitable to leave the hospital."

"D-D-Does that mean that I have to be caged here forever?! No-No way!"

"Calm down, Makoto-kun. I meant you should relax and stop panicking. Actually this is better than being blind. As I said, agnosia is a condition where a person cannot recognize something, but it only affects a sense, which means you can use your other senses to compensate that." Before Sanetoshi leaves, he ruffles Makoto's soft hair in a disgustingly sweet way that causes Makoto's body to tense at the contact, "I will ask the nurses to get you something to eat."

Nodding, Makoto stares at the retreating figure of his doctor, and when he is sure that the pulsating pile of meat is gone, he hugs himself into ball and cries silently in his, thankfully, human arms.

**To be continued...**

* * *

Hope you liked it! Sorry if this chapter is a bit messy due to the frequent switching of POVs.

_Author's rambles:_ I didn't describe how Sanetoshi looks like in this chapter because Makoto has never seen him (human) before. But the Sanetoshi I had in mind is the pink-haired terrorist guy from Mawaru Penguindrum. I'm just borrowing the name, though :P Please note that Makoto's over-exaggerated case of agnosia is purely fiction so don't take it seriously. The 'monster' accent is getting to annoying to type so I just used normal dialogue since Makoto is starting to understand it.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the long wait! Exams are finally over so I'll have more time to work on the story.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Free!

* * *

**Chapter 3**

"May I ask what this is?" Makoto asks as he stares down at the camouflaged matter that is placed in front of him as it smells like rotting innards – a stench at a whole new level compared to the odour of the air around him and the people within a few metres that he is already getting used to. He is very worried that he will be losing his sense of smell and most likely even his sense of taste, very soon.

"Stewed beef with potatoes and carrots (nikujyaga), miso soup and rice," says Sanetoshi while observing Makoto carefully. When he sees that Makoto is not moving his hands, he asks his young patient what's wrong and that he should eat something after living off of IV drip for the past few days.

"I just…don't have an appetite," says Makoto as he turns away from the 'food' and Sanetoshi-sensei.

"You must eat your food so that you can get better soon!" Sanetoshi chirps, putting down his professional doctor façade.

"No…eating well will not make a mental patient better."

"Are you sure you are alright, Makoto-kun? You are not acting like yourself."

"I'm alright, really. I guess I'm just tired," Makoto runs his hand through his newly-grown hair with his other hand covering his rumbling stomach.

"Ah~ I even went out of my way to order this from the staff's canteen."

"Eh?"

"If Makoto-kun doesn't want to eat, I have no choice but to throw it away…Ah~ what a waste."

"S-S-Sorry! I will eat it, so leave it here."

"Good boy."

While Sanetoshi smiles playfully, Makoto can only see inflamed gums that is revealed through flesh that seems to have been melted by acid, so instead, a cold shiver runs down his spine at the sound of the last phrase proving that his natural instincts hasn't left him. He finishes the meal with great difficulty and by pure determination, as his throat refuses to swallow anything every time he brings the supposedly food into his mouth.

"Thanks for the food (Gochisousama)," says Makoto when he personally thinks, 'thank goodness I'm done. I don't think I can eat anymore of this stuff. Wait, this is bad…I feel like vomiting now.'

"As a treat for finishing your meal, here…" Sanetoshi hands him something and 'as usual' Makoto is unable recognize what it is but is very sure he doesn't want to eat it. When Sanetoshi says that it is a pudding, Makoto can't help but to think he is being treated like a kid and he feels kind of weird as he is used to taking care of others, especially his younger siblings, and not the other way around.

'I wonder if they are eating well. Is Haru eating mackerel every day and every meal now? I always tried stop him and from time to time brought something else for him to eat, so that Haru can have a more balanced diet,' Makoto chuckles at his thoughts and fond memories, amused for once since the discovery of his unusual condition.

_Now that Haru has Rin, he should be fine…right? _

Saying his thanks, he basically swallows the whole pudding without chewing to avoid destroying anymore of his endangered taste buds.

After his lunch, Makoto undergoes a series of tests to determine what type of agnosia he has. He is asked to name objects and state its uses which he can vaguely recognize and identify by its shape; asked to sketch some of those objects though he is not very good at it, but nevertheless he sketches the basic shapes, like circles and rectangles. However when it comes to reading out words, there is nothing Makoto can note or see aside from rectangular surfaces. Sanetoshi-sensei tells him this can be what they call 'pure alexia' – a type of agnosia where the affected patient is unable to recognize text on printed material but is still able to write.

Exhausted from his schedule-filled day, Makoto falls into a dreamless sleep without any energy left to bother with the low growls and groans that sounds the room and the uncomfortable bed he is sleeping in.

* * *

Once his condition is known, it is finally time for his family and friends to visit him and he is happy and anxious at the same time.

"#Ma% kO*t0!#I*c" a choir of demented shrilling screech echoes the room in which Makoto is located. He has the urge to cover his ears from the deafening sounds that send shudders throughout his body. Though knowing that these creatures are his family and friends, he puts on the best smile he can muster but fails when he actually sees them. Different feelings overwhelms him when he realizes that he will never 'see' his family and friends again, and tears start to slide down his cheeks. When asked 'what's wrong', he gathers himself and lies that these are tears of joy, as he missed them very much.

But his secrets and lies has never left unrevealed by Haru, ever.

Haruka's mind can be easily read by Makoto but Haruka can do the same with Makoto's mind, too. Haruka knows straight away that there is something bothering Makoto but he doesn't know what exactly. Although they all heard about Makoto's current condition there is no reason for Makoto to be crying like this. What worries Haruka is when he sees Makoto's mother hug her eldest son close with love and care but fear reflects itself in Makoto's eyes during the close contact. His brows furrows in concern, fist clenched. He definitely needs to confront Makoto about it, but now is not the time.

Though it was tense and awkward, the visit ends with a positive note with Makoto being able to go home in a week or so, as he is fully recovered from physical injuries and has recovered from shock of knowing his new condition. However he will still need to pay visits to the hospital every week for check-ups. Nonetheless he is happy that he can go back home soon, to where he belongs.

* * *

"What's wrong, Haru? You look like you're deep in thought," says Rin, breaking the silence between him and his lover on their way back to Haru's house.

"I am. Makoto's acting weird," voices Haru, implying that he is seeking advice from Rin when he gazes at to his companion.

"As I thought," Rin sounding pissed while grinding his sharp teeth, but Haru knows that Rin is worried about Makoto, too, "well, knowing his personality, he will be back to his normal self in no time again."

Haruka fully understands that Rin is just trying to cheer him up, so he smiles and says quietly, "thank you".

"Why are you thanking me out of the blue!?" When Rin doesn't receive any response from his partner, he just looks away and scratches the back of his head. "Well, I just thought that worrying won't do anything so we might as well not. Besides, Makoto is not the type of person who wants people to worry over him."

"That's true," Haruka agrees before the duo spends the rests of their journey to reminisce the good memories that the three of them spent together.

'Can recognize most objects by their shape, but cannot recognize colour and pictures on the surface aside from text…eh? I've never seen or read about this kind of case before. Fufufu…as expected, you are very interesting, Makoto-kun,' thinks Sanetoshi as he records the results of Makoto's latest visual tests, 'are there still any more symptoms that he is not showing or telling?'

"Makoto-kun, I would like to run some tests on your hearing tomorrow. Do you mind?"

"No…but didn't you say that agnosia only affects one modality? Didn't we already found out that that one modality is reading?" Makoto exclaims nervously. He is desperate to hide his condition as he has a gut feeling that there will be undesirable consequences if he told everything to Sanetoshi-sensei. Somehow, he just feels uncomfortable around his doctor for some reason. Is it the gruesome appearance or the unusual amount of touches he is receiving?

"Well, I did say agnosia affects one modality but that is what happens usually, which means there are cases where individuals show signs of two different types of agnosia. So just to be safe, I want to see if there is anything abnormal in your hearing."

"If you say it like that…"

"Alright, then. I'll come to your room at around 9 in the morning after your breakfast."

* * *

Makoto totally fails the hearing tests as he is unable to recognize the sounds that he was used to, up until now. He was going to use his eyes to at least get an idea of the context, but Sanetoshi-sensei blindfolded him to make sure he is only using his sense of hearing for the tests. The calming sound now sounds like unnerving noises, even music sounds like tone-deaf crows. It will take time, but what he needs to do now is to learn all these new sounds and link them to what he knew before.

With lots of encouragement, they move onto testing Makoto's sense of touch. Makoto can recognize the shape and weight of the object by touching, but he cannot recognize the different textures of them.

It is a lot harder to test the sense of smell but nevertheless it is a very important sense as it can warn people away from inhaling toxic gases. Makoto struggles to recognize the scent of everything as the odour is so bad that he holds his breath to block off the smell.

Finally it is time to test Makoto's sense of taste. Sanetoshi has watched Makoto eating during meal time, and he notices that Makoto never seem to enjoy his food like he used to when he was blind. It is like he is forcing himself to swallow a whole plate of food he hates. Although it is true that hospital food is not great, but Sanetoshi always bring Makoto staff's canteen food to make the young patient happier. He, himself likes the canteen food that he chooses for Makoto (treat others the way you want to be treated), and he even asked the teen's parents about his favourite food and it appears that Makoto is not a picky eater. An idea comes into Sanetoshi's mind, and he tries to hide his smirk from the innocent Makoto who is eating his dinner, oblivious to Sanetoshi's unusual gaze.

When Makoto finishes his dinner with a few cups of water to wash the foul taste from his mouth (A/N: water is still the same neutral substance to Makoto), Sanetoshi shows something in front of him. Is this another dessert?

"Kore wa (This is…)?" Makoto asks while looking at Sanetoshi-sensei with his head tilting to the side and doesn't realize his sensei finds this action very cute.

"Give it a taste."

Makoto is ready to grab it from Sanetoshi-sensei's hand (?) but he is guided down to the dessert itself. When wondering why, he still gives a small lick to the top of the dessert, to find it dripping. It has a weird taste, but it's not that bad and it seems like it is considered hard. _Is this one of those popsicles that is packaged in a long plastic tube? But I'm not getting the sherbet out… _At this thought, Makoto uses his hands in attempt to push the ice up to the opening that is in his mouth while sucking it hard. A growl and groan from Sanetoshi catches him off guard, but he disregards this and continues to eat his dessert. He starts to bite lightly at the head then puts more of the stick into his mouth, which somehow causing more reaction from his doctor but he's not sure what.

Suddenly, he feels as if a bucket of cold water was thrown at him when he realizes what he is doing. He tries to pull away immediately but hands clutch his head and force him down towards the repulsive thing of the monster. His mouth continues to get violated by the doctor he thought he could trust, gagging him in the process when the flesh is pushed too far. With one last thrust, cum fills his mouth, tears falling in shock and disgust.

"Swallow it"

Makoto shakes his head fervently.

"Swallow it, or else," Sanetoshi threatens as he pushes Makoto down and his hand enters the crevice between the teen's butt cheeks to emphasize his point, "this hole here will do the swallowing."

Makoto's eyes widen in fear as he backs himself against the wall, trying to stay away from the unnerving grin on the monster's face. He gulps, but also with the offensive liquid. Hot tears continue to fall from his eyes that are averting any parts of the monster.

"Why…? Why would you do such a thing!? What did I do to you to deserve this!?"

"It's all your fault, Makoto-kun," Sanetoshi whispers in Makoto's ear as he leans over and hums, "for being so innocent and cute."

Sanetoshi soon removes himself away from his silent patient, who is shaking like a leaf, to give him some space. Walking towards the door with apparent footsteps, he gives Makoto one last look of pity and lust with a smirk. He leaves after a 'see you tomorrow' which causes Makoto to flinch.

As Makoto hears the door closed, he unclenches his fists that were gripping at the sheets beside him. He knows that all he has been doing recently is cry and sink himself in self-pity, but he just can't help it. He is all alone in this new world and there is no way out of it, so asking for help won't change anything, he concludes. However, self-pity turns into something worse: self-loathe and hatred towards himself.

Why? Because he has fallen as a human being. Pride and dignity has been stripped away from him, by the very 'person' that is closest to him since he got agnosia. What's more? He didn't hate it. If he did, he would've tried to escape. But he didn't, he chose to stay instead.

_I hate to admit it…but why…does _it_ tastes so good?_

**To be continued...**

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It's my first time writing H stuff so I hope it's alright.

Thanks for reading! :D


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for not updating for more than a month! Here's Chapter 4. Hope you guys will like it! :D

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Sanetoshi POV (for those who are interested)**

'So he has gone back home already, huh?' thinks Sanetoshi as he looks out from his office window, already missing Makoto, the patient with a rare case of agnosia who he has grown very fond of.

_Sorry, Makoto-kun. I am really sorry for what I have done to you. But I just couldn't control myself. It's like I didn't know what I was doing…_  
_I don't know since when, I always looked forward to my next meeting with Makoto-kun._

The more that Sanetoshi spent his time with his young patient he got more attracted to the always-smiling teen. Though Makoto was very scared and frightened of his new condition, he stood strong and tried to adapt to his new lifestyle. It really surprised Sanetoshi how Makoto was able to smile at his little 'achievements' of being able to recognize objects correctly. Somehow through observing this aspect of Makoto, it makes him feel he should be happy with the things he has and cherish them.

As much as he wants to become a better person to have the right to stay by Makoto's side, Sanetoshi feels insecure when he notices little actions that Makoto makes, like staring into space while smiling and occasionally, chuckling to himself. Finally, to relief his suspicions, Makoto mumbles something in his sleep one day:

_Haru_

…Haru? Ah, the friend of his who looks like a dead fish (aside from his eyes, usually it's the opposite…*dry laughs*). So Makoto-kun is gay? Like me?  
Life as a gay man is tough, Makoto-kun. Your parents will disown you without any delays but will come running back when you land yourself a good job, like being a doctor. Well, but it seems like your parents are nice but everyone have two sides to their faces, and that includes you and me.

I won't allow you to be in love with other people besides me. You have become my light and I have my happiest moments with you. But why are you avoiding me? I just want to close the distance between us and maybe make you feel more comfortable around me, then have you fall in love with me. Sorry that I went too far but this is necessary.

You have become such a huge part of me. I can't just let you go.  
I'll make you remember me forever…even if it's through hate.

* * *

_It's so noisy…_  
_It's so cold…_  
_It…hurts…_

Haruka opened his eyes groggily and shivered from the ice-cold rain. He lied lazily on top of something comfortable as he fought his drowsiness, too exhausted to move his aching body. Suddenly, memories of the crash flooded his mind and he quickly pushed himself up to find his friends. To his surprise, his hands pressed against something soft and sort of warm. When his eyes finally became fully focused, he nearly jumped back and screamed his lungs out. Instead, he just sat up and stayed still, in fear of hurting his best friend any further.

"Makoto…?" He asked quietly and cautiously.

No response.

"Makoto," he called again.

He tried to ignore the growing pool of blood, the numerous cuts, torn clothes, the glass shards that are imbedded in between the back of Makoto's skull and neck, and…his half-lidded soulless eyes.

"Wake up, Makoto…!"

He wanted to shake his friend awake desperately but he knew fully well that he would just make everything worse. All he could do was to cry for help. However, there was no sign of anyone nearby.

"Nagisa! Rei! Gou! Coach! Sensei! Anyone!?"

He jolted back in surprise when he felt a hand brushed against his. Before Haruka could look at the calming green orbs for another second, they disappear under Makoto's eyelids. His eyes widen with worry and they started to blur as he called out to his best friend desperately while trying to find any sign of a pulse, but to his horror, there was none…

He is in the hospital, together with Nagisa, Rei, Gou, Coach Sasabe and Ama-chan-sensei with their minor injuries treated, waiting alongside with their captain's family in front of the operation room in which doctors and surgeons are trying their best to save Makoto.

Finally, a doctor walks out from the room slowly, totally exhausted and fatigued. Everyone stands forward in anticipation for good news, but the doctor does not say anything. He just shakes his head and walks away.

Haruka shakes his head, not believing that Makoto is gone. His best friend since childhood is gone forever? He can't accept it. He refuses to accept this fact. Just a few hours ago there were alright and had fun swimming. Everyone was laughing and happy with their achievement at the nationals.

Why? Why now?

Everything around Haruka turns black. Everyone around him in the corridor disappears. He is now alone in a dark, empty space until he hears a familiar voice which soothes his wrenching heart.

"Haru"

"Makoto?" Haruka immediately turns to where he assumes is the origin of the voice trying to find his friend, "where are you!?"

"I'm here."

After turning in numerous circles, Haruka finally captures Makoto's figure with his eyes and little does he know, he feels content, happy even, to see an alive-and-well Makoto. Small steps turn into long strides as he runs towards his friend who he thought he would never see again. While calling out to Makoto, he reaches out to him when he gets near. The void is then replaced by light and Haruka finds himself standing beside people in black suits and dresses, some he recognizes and some he doesn't. Walking subconsciously with a white lily in his hand, he walks towards the open coffin. As he stands beside it, his eyes land on the familiar body that he knows all too well. The olive-green hair, the tall and muscular physique, the gentle smile that always warmed his heart…Makoto is lying there, in the coffin. His tanned skin now looks so pale and white.

He's gone. Makoto's gone.

Before he can place his lily beside Makoto, the coffin closes. He can never see that smile, the smile he loves so much, again. His heart ties itself into a hard knot and it becomes difficult to breathe. It soon gets unbearable for Haruka when he witnesses Makoto's coffin being sent away.

On top of the coffin, he sees the Makoto who was in the void previously, and then he hears a loud whisper:

_Farewell, Haru…_

Makoto's figure turns away from Haruka as he drifts further and further away along with the coffin.

No…Don't go, Makoto!

"Makoto!"

Haruka sits up from his bed, sweating and gasping for breath as he rests his head in his hands.

"You okay, Haru? Nightmare about Makoto again?"

"Ah…"

"The same dream?" Haruka nods.

"But it's getting more and more detailed," Haruka whispers, still shaken by the dream.

"Makoto is going to be released today, so maybe you're too excited about it?"

"Hm…maybe"

"Don't worry. It's going to get better soon when you see Makoto out of the hospital." Haruka's face softens and he smiles at Rin in appreciation for the consolation.

* * *

It is finally the day when Makoto is released from the hospital after spending two weeks in the hospital after he has woken up from his coma. The past few days after the incident with Sanetoshi-sensei, was awkward, to say the least. Makoto tried very hard not to look at Sanetoshi-sensei to avoid being reminded of what the doctor had forced him to do. But every time he saw someone, Makoto can't help but think them as Sanetoshi-sensei and therefore causing his face to be constantly red from embarrassment. Sanetoshi-sensei also stopped touching him entirely and treated him extremely nicely and attentively as if he was asking for forgiveness.  
There were few occasions which his soft heart nearly forgave his assaulter, like how he felt touched by when Sanetoshi-sensei attended to his every single need, swiftly, and was going to thank him but refrained himself each time. That pervert did something unforgivable that couldn't be taken back, so Makoto decides that he will hate that thing for all his life no matter how nice that so-called doctor had treated him after. But Sanetoshi-sensei never seemed to give up as he serviced him simultaneously, knowing exactly what he do and don't like, to the point of not talking at all when Makoto didn't want him to and leaving when Makoto needed some personal space. The confused Makoto is more than grateful to leave the hospital and away from the source of his confusion.

One glad step out of the hospital and Makoto is about to faint at the doorstep. The town that he had once lived in is now infested with vine-looking raw flesh and organs, much like his hospital room. The bright, peaceful but lively streets are now covered in darker, duller shades of reddish brown. The smell of sea breeze that he used to love now reeks of decaying garbage. Even the supposedly light blue sky has turned darkish red and the supposedly white clouds have turned into black smog. He thought he was ready to face his new world but apparently he is not.

"Are you alright, Makoto?" Makoto's mother asks cautiously when she notices her son stopped walking.

"Uh…er…yeah! I'm good…I-I-I'm just glad that I'm finally out of the hospital," stutters Makoto as he answers his mother, still too scared to look at her in the eye; one reason being her 'looks', the other being shame, of having been violated by a man who is none other than his doctor. At the unpleasant memory, he starts walking again, at a faster pace in order to get away from the hospital, as far as possible from that perverted flesh monster.

* * *

Horrified, will be an understatement for what Makoto is feeling right now. After traveling too deep in thought to pay attention to his surroundings, here, he is standing in front of his very own home in which he had shared with his family until around two months ago. It is nearly unrecognizable with it covered in meat all over. It's like the house was invaded by enormous, flesh-looking parasites.  
Once Makoto enters the door, his heart nearly stops beating when two smaller meat monsters (that he assumes as his two younger siblings) jump at him to give him a big, long hug.

"Welcome back, Onii-chan! We missed you!"

"I'm home."

"Did you change your hairstyle?" Ran asks excitedly.

"It looks so cool! Especially the cross on the back!" Ren says.

"Ah…" Makoto's confused at the cross bit, he runs his hand to the back of his head and feels the scar at the level of his ears which cuts through his hairline, "this is–"

"Ren, Ran! Don't bother your brother like that. Makoto just got released from the hospital so he is very tired!"

"Gomen, Onii-chan…"

"It's alright. It makes me happy to see you two looking so energetic and well," says Makoto as he crouches down to pat his siblings on their heads, reluctantly, "sorry Ran, Ren, as much as I want to spend time with you two today, I'm too tired for it so as compensation, I'll play with the two of you all day long tomorrow, how about that?

The twins look happy at first but then their smiles droop and Ran asks, "are you sure you're okay"

"You should rest more tomorrow," suggests Ren.

Makoto is touched by his younger siblings' concern for him, 'while I was away they have grown so much'. At the thought of Ren and Ran having grown so much and have matured, he chuckles, 'I sound like an old man.'

* * *

"Gouchisousama," Makoto pays his thanks to his mother for the food.

"Makoto? You barely touched your food," his father says with concern while Ran and Ren fight for the leftover meat on their brother's plate.

"Uh…well, I haven't got an appetite…I guess I'm just tired. It's not that okaa-san's (mom's) food doesn't tastes well! The food is very delicious! Really! Sorry for not finishing your food, you even went out of your way to make all my favourite dishes…"

"It's alright, silly," laughs his mom, "I should've known you would be tired after moving so much for the first time in weeks! You should get to bed earlier then."

"Yea, I will."

Closing his room door behind him, Makoto gets onto his 'new' bed for the second time of the day. Eyes wide open as the aftereffect of his afternoon nap which consists of a disturbing dream that involves two certain people who have filled his mind recently. The dream remains vividly in his mind.

He felt scared when he was trapped in a meat cage and Haru in his human form was trying to save him. However just when he felt safe and happy at the sight of his crush, said best friend of his suddenly turns into the perverted freak, Sanetoshi-sensei, who is just a pile of cascading skinless meat and organs, with no shape and its face distorted, much like an abstract portrait. It cornered him between the walls, leaving no gap for escape. Then it assaulted him by ripping off his clothes while it licked and bit every part of his exposed skin. Frightened to the brink of tears, Makoto called out for his best friend in human shape who appeared again on the other side of the cage, but Haru had no sign of movement as he continued to stare with disgust and disappointment in his eyes.

"Help! Help me! Haru! Save me…!" Makoto shouted and screamed, hot tears sliding down his cheeks at Haru's abandonment. His efforts were in vain as Haru turned away and walked towards Rin who was waiting for him.

"Haru! Haru…!"

Makoto woke up sweating as he fought off the blanket that he thought was Sanetoshi-sensei's body. He heard his mother calling him down for dinner, similar to the sound that the monster from his dream. Still trying to calm his shaking body, his rapid heartbeat and breathing, he walked towards the toilet and washed his face. The sight of water that still looked so tranquil and clear to him, significantly calmed him. However water also reminded of his best friend who would strip and step into a fish tank, and the reminder saddened him as his nightmare haunted him again.

_Will Haru hate me if he finds out how weird I have become?_

This question pops up in Makoto's head again while he lies on his bed with his arm resting on his forehead as tears start to form at the corner of his clenched eyes.

I can't let him or anyone know about this... I don't want them to think I'm weird and hate me for it or even worse, avoid me as if I'm a deadly disease. Haru had always been beside me, I can't bear it if he leaves me! It's okay if he loves someone else, I just want to remain as his friend!

And so he spends the whole night agonizing over his very dim future...

**To be continued...**

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A very big, enormous, gigantic **THANKS** for all the reviews/favourites/follows and to all the readers who like this story! XD

Thanks for reading! :D


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